I can't quite gather my thoughts at the moment...... they seem to have wandered away. I have some wishes, but then wishes can be........ can't think of the word "dangerous"is a bit strong but you get the idea. They can lead down so many paths.

2010 is upon us. A time to look forward, forward  into the unknown................

Response

My own response to my last post is - we don't read the signs properly and if we do, we choose to ignore them!

Now all I need is some undisturbed, pain free sleep  and it's no good surfing the internet looking for that.

Relationships should be like a two way street. Why do so many of us end up in a one way street, facing the wrong way?....... discuss.............

Music

I've been thinking  a lot lately of various song lyrics. Mostly heavy stuff. People seem to be surprised at my love of "Heavy Metal" and some of the "Goth" bands……… they have a lot to say and say it well.  Because they are young doesn't mean that they don't have ideas and opinions about life and the world in which they live.  The Heavy Metal bands that I like, on the whole are not so young now, but then I have grown up and old with them!  Some lyrics are likely to find their way into these wanderings of mine, I think that they will say what I feel much better than I………..

Hopelessness                                                      

is the darkness in your heart

It's the sound of one hand clapping

While it's pulling you apart

Somewhere

 

In the words of the song - Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true. -

Well call me a sceptic of you like but if such a place existed it would be wall to wall with wishers and dreamers. And knowing the human race fights would break out as attempts were made to push to the front!!  I'm seriously considering giving up dreams, the ratio of disappointment/happiness is way out of kilter…………….

 .

Pain

Nearly 5.am as I start to write….the inability to move without pain woke me and then the only thing to do was to get up - ah! that it was so easy! Anyway now I'm downstairs and can work on some of yesterday's photos from the walk on the beach. I suppose this is payback from the fall and the walk - hey ho! on I go………. no complaints. There is a family member much in need of our care and thoughts, prayers even, if you think they might help. An unfortunate set of circumstances and a life is tilted on its edge. We must all hope that there is a road back………..is there ever a road back? Well maybe, but is it a good idea?  To go back I mean …………

Merry Christmas

A recurring thought

Whenever a "holiday" comes around the same thoughts go through my mind……it is Christmas, Easter and New Year which go towards giving the year some form, something to look towards, whether you have religious beliefs or not. These times raise the spirits and lower the bank balance, but most of all they are times when you think of friends and relations far and near. They are doubtless in your thoughts all year round but at these times there is perhaps a card to be written, a gift to be purchased and there is as much pleasure in the seeking out of the perfect gift as there is in the receiving of one.  Everywhere looks bright and cheerful with coloured lights and decorations inside the home and in the towns, again these serve to cheer and bring a smile.

And what of me this coming holiday?…… well I guess that my day will be much the same as every other day…….perhaps I need to be a little more proactive next holiday time………..

Pottering

Yesterday was a day spent keeping warm and pottering about the house, checking this and that. Nothing much here to do in the way of maintenance and very little in the way of housework!! Bliss!

A brief run (in the car) down to L'Abbaye de Bon Repos for a stroll by the river and some photos. It all looks so cold and wintery under it's blanket of snow, there's a surprise....... why are we constantly taken aback by the changes in the seasons, as if they have never happened before?
The photo is of the open air theatre in the grounds of the Abbey......too chilly to be sitting out there now no matter how riveting the performance.

A trip

A trip over the Channel to Brittany and our home there - it wasn't the journey which we expected - lots of snow and ice met us at Roscoff and the 80 minute journey took 4+ hours. During this time we were treated to the delights of the French driver on ice and to watching a lorry jack-knife in front of us .....scary.But we are here and all is well and we are getting warm slowly.......

4.oo am.   sleep disturbed so here I am at the laptop - whatever did I do before I had this thing?  Well at least it's time well spent now - one or two things to read up on and at this time in the morning I am unlikely to be drawn away by the needs of the household! This is, to my mind, one of the best photographs I have taken for a while.

The Jews' Cemetery

A busy day yesterday which kept me from my laptop - well it reduced the number of hours a little. I had a trip into Exeter - the big city - fortunately my appointment was on the outskirts so I didn't have to do battle with the crowds of shoppers. It was hard to find somewhere to park even so.  I had decided to walk to a tiny Cemetery which is hidden behind high walls and slowly being surrounded by new buildings. It is the Jews' Cemetery situated outside the old City Walls - most of which have long disappeared. The gates were chained and locked so I had to be happy with a few shots taken from wherever I could get my lens……..

A lovely day today, more photography and time spent in good company.  It's the little things that make it special, the shared smile, the quiet, easy time when conversation naturally ceases to leave a comfortable silence……….

Soooo

So how do I feel after my weekend away?  True be told, a little flat, but then I suppose it's understandable - a weekend of chatter and laughter. Good food and wine and most of all the chance to take photographs around a lovely city. I hope that the feeling goes - I need evenness and sometimes it is hard to achieve. I think that a glass of wine is in order tonight……...

Three of my favourites - when I can work out how to move the images about before I post them I will show some more…….

Weekend end

The end of a very long day. Also the end of a most enjoyable weekend. As normal I took loads of photographs, had lots of laughs, good food and wine and enjoyed the company of my friends. We mostly live far apart and look forward to these meetings to share our passion for photography. Norwich has been well and truly photographed this weekend and no two shots will be the same as we all see life in a slightly different way. Now begins the pleasure of reliving the weekend as I work through my photos, deciding which to post on the website and which to discard. I have made a bit of a start so watch this space!

Another lovely day with friends, wandering the streets of Norwich. We had some rain whilst we were at the "high spot" of the city - the Castle. Nothing dampened our spirits though and we had impromptu dancing in the rain!!  It's always a little sad when these meets come to an end and we say our goodbyes but hopefully it won't be too long before another is arranged. I wonder where it will be next time....... Tomorrow we start the long trek back to Devon.

Noise

Not a good night - too much noise - uncomfortable bed - head full of goodness knows what!  At 4.30am there was traffic noise and oh how I wished for the silence of my Devon home. There the only noise I hear at night is the Tawny Owl in the Ash tree and very occasionally a fox bark across the fields.  The silence is as deep as the darkness can be, for if the moon is covered by cloud then it really is "pitch black" no street lights or house lights. I don't find it disturbing in any way though I have friends who find it very worrying. So, I have two more nights to endure but then the daytime will be filled with friends and fun and I can catch up on sleep next week. Now all I need to do is empty my head of the whirling thoughts and I can rest for a while……..

Reminder

My laptop reminded me of an appointment today, then my mobile phone did the same. Something which is usually necessary, the gentle nudge of "you didn't forget did you" sort of reminder. But today I need none of it, for today I am going away for a long weekend of indulging in my passion. The long journey (M25 - ugh!) will be just that - long and tiring but at the end -  well maybe when I get back I show you a little of what I did……...

Not a good morning with a  very early start and then confusion. How right that saying "it's all in the mind" mine and yours. The problems arise with how we communicate what is in our mind. The smallest of actions can cause the deepest of wounds...........

Pain

There is nothing worse that watching someone you love suffer pain, be it physical or emotional. The sense of helplessness is, at times, almost overwhelming. There is so little that you can do in most cases. Muttering platitudes may be resorted to and helps not a jot. Practical help, though  neither glamorous nor at times appreciated is the direction which we usually take - "doing something" is therapeutic for the "doer" and usually helpful. But it never seems enough………

Intrigue

I am beginning to enjoy writing this blog  every day. When I started out my intention was to add bits and pieces as and when. Now I find that I look forward to sitting down and collecting my thoughts. I am also intrigued by the thought that it can be read by anyone "out there"  anyone with an internet connection. I know that I have good friends who read these wanderings and give me feedback, for which I am extremely grateful, but I can't help but wonder about the people who read them and remain anonymous. But then that is the nature of this form of communication. I have looked up the meaning of "communicate" as I was interested in whether it  implied any form of exchange - apparently it does… and it doesn't! Ah well if one person reads and enjoys I am happy and then again if they don't I shall never know………...

State of Mind

Not sure how I am feeling this morning, a bit like the weather - changeable!  On the whole, of late, my state of mind has been calm and…. uggh…. dare I say it "normal." I can't remember the last time I cried though I have had the occasional tear in my eye. So that is an improvement - I think.
I have friends who live with depression, friends who live with it or through it with a loved one and friends who don't believe it exists. So I have, over the last 3 years, had an amazing and varied  selection of backup, help and advice! All of it I have listened to, not all of it have I believed or acted upon. It's a very personal thing to live with and though others may understand they don't really "understand"  I'm guessing now that if you have never been a sufferer you may have lost interest and be about to move on to the next blog/task/pastime, but if you have been unfortunate and have walked the road of total confusion and despair you will appreciate the different types of "understanding"  Time is supposed to be a great healer, I think it is more a great sticker on of patches, rounding off of sharp corners, puller of  veils over memories. But then my understanding may be different to yours………..

Variables.

Sunday started out beautifully sunny, alas it's now midday and the clouds have gathered and are threatening rain. I'm not sure why we get so uptight about the weather - there is precious little we can do about it but get on and do what we have to do!  I have to admit that it can be difficult when carrying a camera, unless you have a camera raincoat. I am fortunate as the body of my camera is protected by about 70 waterproof seals - not so the lenses so I have to be careful to keep them dry.
The main reason that we moan about the weather is that it is so variable, one day mild the next bitterly cold. A bit like people really, one day full of fun the next down in the dumps. But then what would life be like if everything and everyone were always the same?  I suspect that we would quickly become very bored with life and set about finding ways to add a few variables……..

Name

Have you ever wanted to change your name? I don't mean when you were about 6 and had ideas of comic book heros and the like. I mean now, at whatever grown up age you have reached? I know that you can do this legally though the circumstances I am thinking of would not lead you down that path……. just down the path of "if I hear that name again" "why is it always her/him?" "perhaps I should change my name to…….. "  All silly stuff, the sort of thing that goes through your head in the wee small hours perhaps, when you're feeling  - hmmmm  how would you have to be feeling………..?


The photo is one from a while ago - I titled it "Crushed"

So here I am nearly 1.30am and wide awake. Surfing, checking out photography sites, the work of the great and the good -  and not so good sometimes. But then it is all in the eye of the beholder. Some people I know do get very discouraged when they see the excellence of others. To me it serves as a spur to improve my own work, though if I don't get some sleep sometime soon I shall have difficulty seeing straight! More to follow tomorrow,  no….. I mean today! :)

So, here we are, round to Friday again. Time for me to get in front of the camera - outdoors methinks but lets wait and see. I'm not going to plan. I'm home from a small market which is held weekly at Broadwoodkelly.  The villagers have a very strong sense of community and for a very small place they organise a tremendous number of events of one sort or another. The market was very busy today, word is spreading among the neighbouring villages! If you have something to sell they are happy to find you a space, (for a contribution to Hall funds) It's a very worthwhile venture. As my car was blocked in the car park I went for a walk round the churchyard, it has a strange layout with many of the gravestones quite a distance from the Church, while others were, as normal, close around it. The Church is kept locked but I shall return and borrow the key to have a look inside for any history…….. I could Google it but then I'd miss out on the peaceful moments inside.  Peaceful moments should be relished……..

A reasonable effort for the challenges I think.

I started the day thinking about security, but then as I don't feel too secure myself in some aspects of my life perhaps it is a subject for another day. I will turn my mind to the 2 photography challenges that I have today. The first is the "December Challenge" - a photograph of or to include circles, rectangles and/or triangles. A new photo to be taken each day and posted onto the Pbase Forum. It's fun to do. The second one is the "Thursday Challenge" This subject is set each week by two members of PBase. Sometimes a single word or, as today a type of image. So - off I go to find circles, rectangles and triangles, form them into a still life to be lit by a single light source! Well that should keep me out of mischief for a while………  Watch this space ;)

The day started dull and rainy, so different from yesterday with its frost and flaming red sky. No dashing out in my dressing gown to take some photos this morning. The weather stayed the same pretty much all day, overcast, just what you need to go out for some photos - not! So the alternative is to stay in and look at the work of other, much more talented photographers - learn by observation. It's amazing what you can learn if you are observant...........

Our Camera Club meeting last night was inspiring in so many ways. The speaker, a professional photographer, was enthusiastic about both his work and his desire to share some of his images and  experiences. He and his wife also run a pub - why do some people seem to have more hours in their day than the rest of us? The old adage "If you want something done ask a busy woman" comes to mind. Anyway I digress, I came back from the meeting full of ideas and inspiration and feeling very positive about my photography. I firmly believe that is is possible to be shackled by technical knowledge, I don't mean that as an excuse for my lack of it, but it can stop you trying for a shot in perhaps less than ideal circumstances - my motto is "give it a go" nothing ventured etc etc. He talked a lot about planning a shoot and as a professional this is crucial as someone is going to pay the bill - or not ! So with my head full of his photos and words I begin another month of my Picture a Day challenge. Despite the gloomy weather the future IS bright though not necessarily orange...........

Accessibility

I had a hospital appointment today to see a Specialist Clinical Physiotherapist. She specialises in back problems and is helping me to strengthen my back, torso and legs with a regime of exercises. On the whole my pain is reducing, though I wish that I had met her 12 years ago when the damage occurred. "If wishes were horses then beggars would ride" so best not go there! In the meantime I work hard at the exercises to prevent things getting worse and hopefully reduce my pain. As I left the Hospital it occurred to me that "accessibility" is the key to so much in life. I wondered about the access to the Hospital too.............

Sunday

I seem to have spent the day asleep, though I did go shopping and post some photos on PBase, so I must have been awake for a couple of hours!  The weather is awful, the ground is saturated and the rain shows no signs of abating.The people living at Bondleigh Bridge watch the river and must know the tide tables by heart. The concrete channels laid down the side of the lane in places have acted as wonderful traps for fallen leaves, which then stop the water reaching the drains. The lane now looks like a mini canal and requires careful negotiation........

Had a long day yesterday an early start, a long road trip and then a few miles walked round the Motorbike Show at The National Exhibition Center in Birmingham. It was interesting to see all the new bikes and equipment available. Also to people watch! As with most hobbies, when you get together with like-minded people the barriers drop  a little. The hardest looking  biker becomes your friend when he knows that you have a bike in your garage, which makes me think about impressions..........

Still Friday

Puts me in mind of a Beatles song.

Friday

So.... it's Friday. This means a different sort of photograph to be taken. Through the rest of the week I wander around, visiting villages, churches, a seaside town. Or maybe stay in the garden  - lots of scope there for pictures and when the weather is truly bad then the house has a wealth of features of interest. Not to mention the lifetime collections of "stuff" all ripe to be placed before the lens. But on Friday I take a Self Portrait, SP for short. It's fun to do, mostly. On a day when I'm feeling low no matter how I try, it shows in the photo. So my SP is a pretty good indicator of my mood of the day.  Sometimes I "chicken out" and take a bit of me rather than my face. In lots of ways that is even more difficult to do, no, that's wrong - it's more of a challenge! Hmmmm  I wonder what today's will be.......... I might show you, unless it's truly awful.

When you meet someone

 Most of us are lucky enough to meet at least a few people every day. If not in person we "meet" them via phone or internet. Some are acquaintances, some friends and some we have never seen before and may never see again. What is it in these meetings that causes the change say, from acquaintance to friend, from friend to lover?  Shared interests or maybe completely diverse interests which open new ground to both. A shared experience, be it good or bad can forge a friendship to last a lifetime. But what is that "spark" that sets it off?  Even more puzzling to me is how this happens, and happen it does, through internet meetings when there is so little to work with apart from the written word or maybe a webcam. No facial expressions, the nuances of which are so telling. No body language. Then there is the knowledge that all may not be as it seems with the shared information. But that is not an avenue I wish to travel down at this point.  It is that spark which intrigues me. Perhaps it is something which we should all be thankful for and not question too deeply for fear that we snuff it out..........

If only

Why do we find it so difficult to please ourselves in life? We are always striving to please others, to put aside our own wishes so that the waters remain unruffled. I say "we"  I can, of course, only speak from my own perspective, that of a Libran.......whether you think that Astrology is a load of bunkum or not........those scales are forever with me as I endeavour to keep life balanced, keep everyone happy. Perhaps it is too late to change - old dog, new tricks - I don't know. But I do know that in so many cases everyone has been happy...... except me. The older I get and the more I think about this the more I realise that it's time to step away from the scales. Time to let everyone do their own balancing. And if the water gets a bit ruffled well so be it! What's the worst that can happen.........

Round the Lanes

I am constantly draw to churches and graveyards as I drive round the lanes of Devon and there are many of them to be found. Even the smallest hamlet has a church, some quite humble and some ornate and extravagant. It is not through any religious beliefs of mine, more an admiration of good craftsmanship and an interest in the past inhabitants of the area that I visit them. In one graveyard there are 3 graves in a line, the given name on each is "Mary Anne" the dates are broadly similar. It certainly wasn't through admiration of any famous "star" that these ladies all bore the same name, or was it ?...........

I took this photo today, leaning over the bridge which connects the two halves of the small hamlet in which I live. I was thinking about the people in Cumbria, many of whom have lost their homes and businesses and worse still some who have lost their lives. It didn't worry me that I was standing on a bridge which is probably hundreds of years old with the River Taw flooding beneath it. Bridges in Cumbria have been swept away in an instant. We feel safe in our own environment.........

The beginning

I have a feeling that there are going to be many "beginnings" as I wander through the maze of technology that is available today. Never being quite sure of where I'm going or where I've been! I wonder where this new venture will take me?